Good. I hope so. It means you have at least a decent understanding of BDSM and that being submissive has nothing to do with being weak or less than. It, in fact, means just the opposite. Being a submissive takes courage and a good Dominant knows, understands, and values that.
What I find most interesting however, is that there seems to be a double standard when it comes to BDSM fiction. In the vast majority of books, women take on the role of submissive with the male being the dominant partner. Whether vanilla (non-BDSM) readers or those who live the lifestyle, very few blink an eye at this. When it comes to male submission, however, it's a completely different story.
I received feedback from a blogger earlier this week on my upcoming book, Burning For Her Kiss. She enjoyed the writing and the story, but she rated the story with only two and a half stars. Why? By her own admission, it was because she felt my hero, Drew, was weak and feminine because he chose to submit to a female dominant.
Hopefully this stereotype upsets you as much as it does me.
In the seven years I've been writing BDSM fiction, I've had the opportunity to meet many submissives, male and female. None of them were weak. They all knew what they wanted and were going after it. To me, that's something to be proud of, not ashamed of.
What do you think? Do you view male submission differently than female submission, why or why not?
Hi Sherri,
ReplyDeleteYou bring up an excellent point! But, I fear, it's a perception that's going to die hard. Strong male/'weak' female is a paradigm that continues to exist no matter what we do to try and kill it.
I think erotic authors, who tackle BDSM, should definitely have more male submissives in their fiction. The market's flooded (thanks to 50 shades) with female submissives, and it's giving a totally distorted impression of the lifestyle, and, unintentionally perhaps, gender roles in general.
I agree that there aren't enough male submissives in BDSM fiction. I've read books focused on BDSM clubs where there doesn't appear to be a male submissive in the place. Not a very realistic picture of the lifestyle.
DeleteIt's spooky, I just wrote this post on how, far from limiting and restricting me, being submissive gives me the security to grow and develop as a person and, more importantly, as a woman under the guidance, support and instruction of my master.
ReplyDeleteHan xo
Good post. It also shows that every relationship in the lifestyle is different but the basic fundamentals of healthy BDSM relationships remain the same.
DeleteAs one who live the lifestyle and very active in our local community. It saddens me that people think this way of us regardless of our gender. I hear it all the time because I identify as a slave and that really gets people worked up. Trust me I am not a doormat and my friends lifestyle or vanilla will back up that statement.
ReplyDeleteAs for male submissives, they are very strong considering what we as submissives do and then to go against societies views. I also think that is why we don't see that many of them in the local community out and about. I know they exist because we have a very active group for them (FemDoms and male submissives) and only them. I know they have a nice size group. But until we as a society can accepted what they have chosen they will stay in their little groups. It is a shame that there is always a small group of people that like to make us feel bad about themselves. I hope my rambling makes sense.
Agreed. As hard as it is for women who choose to be submissive, for males it is even more difficult.
DeleteI couldn't disagree more. While my series doesn't center around male submissives, it does include them, along with f/f pairs, m/m pairs, Daddies and littles, and so on because the Lifestyle is all about having the freedom to pursue what is right for you and your chosen partner no matter what. And without judgement. It's a closed-minded person who can't see or accept the diversity.
ReplyDelete